Not proud of myself

I am not proud of myself today.

When the boys went to bed tonight I just felt like I failed them.

Nothing big or horrific happened. Nobody went to time out, had a melt down, no spanking, and no yelling.

So i took time to reflect. I had my phone with me all day (something i swore i had given up) and was on it all day. Ethan really wanted me to play puzzles with him  and I said "in a second." Why you ask? Because I wanted to finish looking at pictures of someone I didn't know on Facebook. 

I defiantly told Ethan "no" a lot today. I had no problem saying "no" to cheese balls and corny dogs for breakfast ( although it does sound awesome Ethan!). But I said no to playing, running stopping for a second because ... Well because I didn't want to.

I spent more time worried about my muffin top, planning workout to get rid of it (which I won't do), and wondering why I can't eat cheeseburgers for every meal than being present with my kids. I easily passed E the iPad when I wanted to tune out.

Finally I shook out of this hot mess in time for Ethan's book and prayers. And I a, so glad I did. He is now adding things he is thankful for. He closes his eyes tight, puts his hands together and interrupts my prayers with " Donald Duck... Frogs... Roar ( the lion at the zoo) ... Ty... Jake and Peeka... Amen."

I wasn't the mom I wanted to be today... I wasn't the person I wanted to be today... So I will put my iPad down.. Sneak in to kiss the boys and say some major prayers that God help me start again tomorrow.

Because of the lords great love we are not consumed, for his compassionate never fail. They are new every morning; they are new every morning: great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23