Naked

It's about to get real up in here- get ready? I am about to strip down and get naked- not really naked like this adorable child- but intimate. I am simply having on of those nights. I started this blog thinking it was going to be sarcastic and crude... with a little bit of love and Jesus mixed in. I suppose when I started that's where it was. But now I am in a different place. I am going love and Jesus with a little bit of sarcasm and crude humor.

See- I want people to like me. I REALLY want people to like me. To a fault I think. I look back on my parents who have a ridiculous amount of  close friends or the girls from high school and college who (according to facebook) have a million little mommy groups and couple friends they can call on. I look at my number of friends and PANIC. I start with my routine list of panic questions..."is it because i am too fat?" "am i too weird?" "am i trying to hard?""am I suppose to have all these groups of friends to be a good person?"   I have the self esteem the size of a pea, I question my looks on a regular basis, the demons from my past love to haunt me.

But then I remember something- I am worth fighting for. And there is certainly a fight for me. God created me- he loves me. The devil HATES THAT. Instead of looking at the amazing friends I do have- the women in my life that I can call for ANYTHING the devil says "you don't have enough friends.... but you don't have any friends in your neighborhood so you aren't a good person... you are fat and nobody loves you!" But God knows better. I know better.

When my marriage is amazing and God is bonding me to my sweet Bryan the devil brings up
nobody can really love you.. nobody can love someone who has been abused...". But God knows better. I know better.

When I am on fire for the Lord and working my schedule around attending Bible Study the devil says "you don't need to do that someone else will " "its more important to spend time with your friends." But God knows better. I know better.

I am a hot mess most days- but I am God's hot mess. There is a battle for this mess and I am asking God to win every minute because its easy for my insecurity to take over.

Because God always knows better!