TOTAL SPAZ- and I am not talking about my boys

I am about to get real right here. I have had a relationship issue my whole life. I guess a self esteem issue that comes across in relationships. I want people to like me so bad. Once I meet someone and decide we would should be friends it looks somewhat like Olivia Munn on Ellen.

 

Or have you seen the Mindy Project on Fox. She is hilarious and ridiculously insecure. I am the white short version of Mindy. 

 

 I tend to be the girl at parties that knows everyone and seems right at home with everyone, but when it comes down to it I have loads of people to party with and few people I can talk to. I assume all adult relationships should look like elementary school. One best friend that knows ALL your secrets and who won't do anything without you. I know I am about to sound silly stupid, and yes I have been to therapy, so no need to give me request.

 

I am that girl who has mouth diarrhea of all of her feelings. I will tell you ALL that is going on with me, how I feel about work, marriage, parenting, faith, etc.... and yet if you don't respond with something intimate of your own than I feel suddenly insecure.

 

But God has taught me a ridiculously hard lesson this week... IT'S NOT ABOUT ME! Being insecure doesn't sound like something that is selfish, but when it comes down to it all you think about is YOURSELF. I want people to like ME... I am afraid people don't like ME...I decide when a relationship isn't working and simply leave.

 

Having a relationship with Christ means I stop thinking about ME and start thinking about HIM. The only relationship I need to spend anytime worrying about it the one with him. When my relationship with Him is in tact everything else falls into place. Does that mean that suddenly I am surrounded with millions of best friends, that my sister and I become best friends and that everyone I work with suddenlt wants to be my BFF- not at all. It means I realize that God made me just as I am and all I need to fill in the emptiness in my heart is HIM.. relationships are the icing on top. And if they don't go MY way they will go GOD'S way and that's perfect.  My guess if I took the time to look at the amazing friends God has given me I would shut up anyhow. =)