Is being a mom enough? honestly.

I think I have written about this before, but I suppose that I am still struggling. Let me get this out first, I love being a mom. I love my little boogers... I prayed for them for years and love every second (even the screaming) with them.

 

It has become clear to me in the last several years, and crystal clear in the last several months, that life is short and that God has COMMANDED us to share His love and gospel with others. It's not about getting comfortable... its not about making sure our kids make it to some Ivy League school or make quarterback (although Bryan is already training Ethan!), because none of that will matter if they aren't longing after God. But right now I can't do much more than make sure THIS doesn't happen again....

Even as a youth minister I struggled with ministering to the "rich white kids." Doesn't God long for us to take care of the poor, the widowed, the orphans.. not the private school families. It was a very wise man, my sweet friend Jimmy Dorrell, who sat me down and helped me understand that people are poor and lacking Jesus in every socioeconomic group. And it's going to be these people who will have the power to change things for God.

 

I came alive the most when I was in the midst of pilgrimage. In the midst of showing these kiddos what true love and service was. A part of my heart came alive that I don't feel anywhere else. I could SEE God, I could HEAR Him. It's amazing.

 

But in the season of my life I have the gift that I have been praying for... able to only work a few hours a week teaching preschool, playing with my 2 kiddos, going to playgroups, volunteering at church. And I feel useless some days. Today.

 

How do you moms of young kiddos do it? I tell myself "when the boys are in school I will go back and do 'good work." But our days are numbered... I want to do something NOW! Is ministering to these two little boys enough? Is playing with 2 year olds three days a week serving Christ? With two little ones and a husband that works weird hours how do you moms find time to be His hands and feet. Or Am I failing at looking at motherhood as a minsitry in and of itself?

 

Best Day Ever for Little T

 

 

First- Mohawk!!!

 

2nd- Pizza for Lunch and Hot Dogs for Dinner

 

3rd- Water play outside with E

 

AND- WALKING!!! That's right. This little man took his first REAL steps surrounded by mommy, daddy, E and his godparents. What a sweet time. The truth is everyone else was talking and he just started walking toward mommy... maybe he just doesn't want an audience.

I love this man more than words. He is so ridiculously precious, sweet, strong willed, and snuggely!!

Learning Emotions

Right now we are learning about identifying emotions at our house. It started with Ethan hitting or taking a toy away from Tyler. I would try to have him stop and look at T and ask "how do you think Ty is feeling?"... yea maybe a horrible parenting move for Tyler as he is bawling on the ground and I am taking a time to ask Ethan if crying is happy or sad. Yikes- won't do that again.

Once he mastered happy, sad and scared he is now identifying everyone. Even Barney- who is ALWAYS happy.

I love this age because now I can figure out what makes him happy. Yesterday as we were playing outside he ran to me and pointed to his bottom yelling "PooPoo on booty mommy- Ethan Happy!" Really Ethan? Poopoo on your booty makes you  happy? Alright. And this morning when asked what he wanted for breakfast, he opened the fridge, saw the cold pizza and grabbed it saying "Mommy PIZZA! Pizza and Juice Ethan Happy!"

 

It's a great reminder to met his week though. As I study the scriptures on JOY, I am reminded that it's not about the big things that bring happiness and joy. It's the little things... apparently like poop and cold pizza.

TOTAL SPAZ- and I am not talking about my boys

I am about to get real right here. I have had a relationship issue my whole life. I guess a self esteem issue that comes across in relationships. I want people to like me so bad. Once I meet someone and decide we would should be friends it looks somewhat like Olivia Munn on Ellen.

 

Or have you seen the Mindy Project on Fox. She is hilarious and ridiculously insecure. I am the white short version of Mindy. 

 

 I tend to be the girl at parties that knows everyone and seems right at home with everyone, but when it comes down to it I have loads of people to party with and few people I can talk to. I assume all adult relationships should look like elementary school. One best friend that knows ALL your secrets and who won't do anything without you. I know I am about to sound silly stupid, and yes I have been to therapy, so no need to give me request.

 

I am that girl who has mouth diarrhea of all of her feelings. I will tell you ALL that is going on with me, how I feel about work, marriage, parenting, faith, etc.... and yet if you don't respond with something intimate of your own than I feel suddenly insecure.

 

But God has taught me a ridiculously hard lesson this week... IT'S NOT ABOUT ME! Being insecure doesn't sound like something that is selfish, but when it comes down to it all you think about is YOURSELF. I want people to like ME... I am afraid people don't like ME...I decide when a relationship isn't working and simply leave.

 

Having a relationship with Christ means I stop thinking about ME and start thinking about HIM. The only relationship I need to spend anytime worrying about it the one with him. When my relationship with Him is in tact everything else falls into place. Does that mean that suddenly I am surrounded with millions of best friends, that my sister and I become best friends and that everyone I work with suddenlt wants to be my BFF- not at all. It means I realize that God made me just as I am and all I need to fill in the emptiness in my heart is HIM.. relationships are the icing on top. And if they don't go MY way they will go GOD'S way and that's perfect.  My guess if I took the time to look at the amazing friends God has given me I would shut up anyhow. =)

Weekend With Daddy

Be warned of the ridiculously long post!

We had a fun long weekend since Bryan took off work Thursday-Sunday. School ended too, so it was nonstop playtime. The first BIG event was Big E got his own Big Boy Bed!!!! So fun. We went with a low mattress, thinking one day he will be the top bunk of bunkbeds... oh Lord help me! This low bed was PERFECT for a 2 year old. He can get in and out so easy. After a couple nights of choosing the crib, we took it down and he went to bed in the bbb so easy! And what a fun treat to have the dogs sleep with him. He is in little boy heaven!

With all the rain we couldn't play in the backyard, so we took chalk to the very small front porch we have. What was even more fun was to color on daddy's newly shaven head.

Even Ty man got in on the fun. Usually trying to eat the chalk, but who cares. And I mean look at the blond hair- I can't take it. Who's kid is he?

Then we went to Target to stock up on watertoys.. thus the following million picture. Too cute.

 

 

I love the summer!

My sweet little man

Sometimes I feel like since Ethan can talk and move so much that I spend the majority of my time talking about him. But let that not be confused for the RIDICULOUS amount of amount of love I have for sweet baby Tyler. I guess he's not a baby anymore.

This kid is figuring it all out. He fake cries when Ethan gets too close to get mama's attention- and I must admit it works. What can I say he's my baby and I would do anything for this little guy.

He is trying really hard to walk. Every once in a while he is brave enough to take 2-3 steps but for the most part he loves to just walk around the side of furniture.

He is a HAPPY baby. Seriously happy. What a joy this one is. Even when he's teething it just takes a hug or a blueberry to make the whining stop. Tyler is an eater like his brother. I know in about 3 years we are going to go broke just on grocery bills. Ethan and Tyler both eat the same amount.

I love this little guy. Ethan was a miracle child after we heard we couldn't have kids, and Tyler was just as much of a miracle baby. He was certainly a surprise baby- but he is worth every second in the hospital to hug on this little blond haired blue eyed ball of mush.

 

End of year pics

Ethan's of school pictures were ADORABLE! I am sorry but this kid is such a hot mess, that I think it's a miracle that his teacher got him to sit still for even a second!

 

This boy LOVES school and I hope it continues. He first went to First Kids when he was 5 months old and Tyler has been since he was 5 weeks.. so they have known nothing but school.

What I love the most about their precious school, except that I get to work down the hall from them, is how loving the whole school is. Both boys get loved on so much.

Ethan LOVES going to school. He begs to get in the car and go see all his friends, who he list off by name. He runs to his teachers for hugs and cries when he leaves. When he sees me in the hall he will give me a kiss but wants to be right back with the madness of a class of 2 year olds.

 

I hope he always loves going to school this much.