Shut My Mouth and Change My Heart

I always feared God would give me a girl . I just knew that if I had a little girl that all my insecurities and body hatred would rub off on her. I was so relieved when I had boys... I had the (WRONG) idea that I therefor didn't have to worry about what I said or thought about my body around my sons.

I WAS WRONG!

This morning as we all sat down to breakfast I noticed that Bryan had made me a ridiculous amount of scrambled eggs.

Me- I need someone to take some of these?
Bry- why?
Me- because I don't want to be fat.

As we were finishing, and yes I finished all my eggs, Ethan looked at my plate and said "oh no, you're fat." He had a true sense of anxiety on his little 3 year old face.

I thought I only had to worry about this with daughters.

Later as we're getting ready for the zoo, I looked down and felt like a slob. At the same time, Ethan came in my room ...

Ethan- what are you doing?
Me- trying to find something else to wear
Ethan- why?
Me- because I don't want to look ugly and fat.
Ethan (yelling down the hall)- mom u\is changing so she won't be fate and ugly for you dad.

I just stood there. What am I teaching him? That girls should always be skinny and worried about their size? That HE should worry about his weight? That mommy isn't happy unless she has her act together? That he can't be happy unless he is skinny and handsome?

I was wrong. My insecurities will wipe off on whoever is around me... The little boys included.

I want the boys to know how God created each of us so perfectly. That we should be thankful, daily, on the vessel he gave us and to take care of it (not tear it down). I want to model a woman who is thinking about her identity in Christ and not her jean size.

God Help Me.