Thank you God

I am about to brag on MY GOD! And one particular sweet man that He saved...

My sweet husband.

 

 

When we first met, Bryan knew God but had no personal relationship with Him. In fact, after years of seeing Christians act.. well not so Christ-like he had some major healing to do with his idea of who God is and what it meant to be a Christian.

 

God certainly pursued Bryan... and HARD! He continued to send men of God in his life to speak truth and model what a man of God looked like. And His life started changing. He was a youth minister's husband- meaning he was the assistant youth minister,.. and he was a HUGE blessing to those kids. As a new believer and a doubter through high school he could relate to the students and speak to them in a way I never could.

 

Before I met Bryan I asked God for man that pursued him or and for a man who would be the spiritual head of the household. And when I met him I thought "he is HOT, funny, sweet, compassionate- but God, he doesnt know you. What are you thinking?" But now, in God's amazing timing- I know EXACTLY what He was thinking.

 

Bryan has pursued God and God has pursued Him. He is reading scripture, memorizing it to his heart, speaking the truth in love to me when I need it, praying with the boys, having discipline with the boys, and surrounding himself with other men wanting the same.

 

 

I am thankful. I am thankful for a husband who asks God first what we should do and always trusts that He will come through on his promises. Thank you God and thank you Bryan for continuing to be the head of the household I always prayed for.

 

 

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.

1 Corinthians 16:13

Family of 4

Birthday for 2 year olds are hilarious. They open up toys that they have continuously asked for, play with them for 4 seconds and then start asking for another one. And when given another one, the same routine occurs... "okay.. new toy?"

I am afraid I have acted much like a 2 year old when receiving gifts from God lately.

We prayed, and had a ridiculous amount of people praying for us to just have ONE CHILD. And after sweet Ethan I thanked God hourly for this precious gift. But then we needed Tyler (okay he was a tad of a surprise.. but once I found out I needed him!). And for the last several months I have put my focus off of a heart of Thanksgiving and onto a request for more. More than we won't have.

We will be a family of 4. Don't get me wrong here people, I love my two boys. I never knew love until I had those two little munchers. But I also dreamt of more. When I see their newborn shots there is a stirring in me for "just one more." Oh the feeling of holding one more newborn on my chest. The first time they sing "Jesus loves me" , the responsibility and joy of raising men of God. I won't have that again.  I kept thinking "well maybe..."  and held onto baby clothes and toys thinking maybe my health would turn around or God would just give us ONE MORE miracle. But we are finished. The clothes have been boxed up and sent to new moms who are having precious new baby boys.

Grief is important. I know God that gave us an amazing gift to be able to feel pain and joy. And I have certainly been the stages of grief the last few months as we have come to this conclusion.

But I think, as with any good gift from God, the devil can find a great way to get you. And he can with Grief... he can get you stuck. He can turn that grief into a pity party. Oh, how he loves to get me this way.

Pity Party- Party of 1
That's me.

I will take my focus off of God. A God of healing and miracles who brought two boys who shouldn't be here into this world... and I put all my energy into "WHY GOD.. it's not fair!! I want another one!"

But God.

Oh God.

He is patient with me. ALL THE TIME. God is a god of love and mercy, and second chances, and hope. He wants us to feel, to laugh, to scream, to throw things, to cry- but inevitably to do these things in the confines of his embrace.  He wants us to fall into Him and tell Him what he already knows- that we are broken, fragile people who are sometimes sad when things don't go our way. And he will gently respond, as He has countless times before "It's okay.. I got this."

Our family of 4 is a gift. God has a plan that requires only 4 people at this time. Maybe our home will be open for an adopted child one day... maybe not. But reguardless of the outcome- He is Holy, He is God and He will be worshipped here at the Head house.

It's the little things

When my boys are big and stinky, and will no longer let me kiss their feet before bed (YES- I do it. I think they are too cute and I can't take it), and will no longer want to be within 356 feet of their mother - I want to remember these sweet days. When I can still cuddle and love 90% of the day.

Playing in the bouncehouse before dinner-on a Monday!! For no other reason than a WE WANTED TO!

The sweet hour after Bryan and Tyler go to bed that Ethan and I get to spend together. Ethan gets to pick a movie, we play puzzles and have snacks that Tyler can't have. There is LOADS of tickling too. And Ethan saying sweet things like "Mommy, Bible Says Jesus Loves Me!"  

The first day of school. I can still pick out their clothes and they LOVE running up to school and hugging their teachers.

 

I know these days are going to be over before I know it- and each moment I try to soak it all up.

Examples

Oh, the importance of example. It's both precious and RIDICULOUSLY terrifying how much children learn simply by watching their parents. They are soaking in every single minute. How are they suppose to treat their friends- well how does mommy treat her friends? how does daddy treat mommy? How are we suppose to talk to others-Well how does mommy talk to people around her?

 

I learned this lesson by walking in on Ethan reading my Bible. He was saying " Read Mommy's Bible- talk about Jesus. Read Mommy's Bible- talk about Jesus." And Tyler was soaking it all in (also terrifying and precious to see the Monkey See Monkey Do relationship of these 2). It wasn't the lectures during time out, the intentional learning time he is mimicking (although these are important), it was something I didn't even think he saw. He was watching me live life and know knows that Jesus is important is important to mommy. My prayer is that Jesus is important to His sweet heart.

 

Oh, how our everything is being watched and picked up on. I am in a bad mood- they are in a bad mood. I want to do a dance party to Aerosmith before church than they are left laughing like fools!

 

Intentional learning is so important. They are learning everything. And sweet one-on-one learning is important to their learning. They need hands on games, puzzles, technology,  physical learning time, they need to be read to- but they will learn WHO they are and WHOSE they are by simply watching us living our lives.

 

Before lunch today Bryan gave the quick "Oh shoot I forgot to pray and I am starving and Tyler is already eating prayer " ..." Dear Lord thank you for this food Amen." I thought nothing of it, until I looked over and Ethan was still sitting there with his hands together and eyes closed ready to talk to God longer. STAB MY HEART- your right buddy. Thank you for watching me on the days when I get it- because then you can remind me on days when I forget... Putting God FIRST (even before my growling tummy) is too important to rush.

 

AND BECAUSE IT'S TOO CUTE... HERE IS PIZZA NIGHT!