Daddy Time

Having a newborn is a rollercoaster for sure... and having the sweet baby in the NICU just adds certain bumps. Hormones don't make things any easier. Boy am I ready to feel "normal!" Trying to balance everyones needs I am sure is a balancing act that we are just beginning to battle.

The last week Bryan has been my rock. The emergency C-section came out of nowhere and he helped me through with grace and humor. Since then it has been him who handled guests, visited Ethan in the NICU every hour, took care of my needs, communicated with the nurses and doctors, and even helped me with work. Since I got home he has taken care of all the home chores and has been my driver back and forth to the NICU.



Bryan talks to Ethan constantly when he's there. I can tell that these two are going to have their own special language that I am going to not be part of. I have never seen so much love in anyones eyes than a father's love for his son... and Ethan always wakes right up when he hears Bryans voice and follows the voice until he sees him.



Each time we go up to the NICU Bryan is always very sweet about saying "you hold him.. he needs you." But I reminded him he also needs his daddy... so while I was out Bryan snuck a chance to hold sweet E. For 20 minutes the two of them just sat as Bryan talked to him about who knows what. Can't wait to watch this relationship grow and flurish for years to come.

I am in love with my boys. Didn't know I could love Bryan anymore than I already did-but I do more and more every day. Didnt know there would enough love for such a small baby- but I am in love with boy my boys.

No Pictures Today

Today has been an awfully tough day.. so no pictures to say the least. Today I was able to leave the hospital, but Ethan of course had to stay. In my head, it all made sense and I thought I was perfectly fine with it. Until it was time to go and then I completely lost it. Nothing that Bryan or the nurses could say could soothe my heart into understanding that its okay to leave the hospital without our child

I am overwhelmed to to say the least. Coming up without a child, still in tremendous pain from the surgery, trying to get on a schedule at home, realizing all that still has to be done before Ethan comes home, and thinking about stuff that needs to be done at work. My mind and heart are in overload to say the least.

I know that I am not a fun person to be with right now either and so ask for prayers for Bryan. He will need it. Going to see Ethan first thing tomorrow morning. Nurses tonight say they are upping his food intake- getting this baby fat! =) LOVE IT!

Updates... Every day a new day

Well we are at day 3 of this sweet boys life and so much has changed. He is down to just one feeding tube. Which is great, since we can finally see that sweet little face of his. Every hour Bryan and I debate on who he looks like- but goodness I know that so much can change for him the next several weeks- months. It's strange- because of his size in the NICU I want to think that he is SO BIG and so ready to go home- but when I am in there and alarms are going off because babies are forgetting to breathe, every baby is in an incubator, and there is one nurse to every baby- I realize that Ethan isn't a "normal" baby at all.



My heart is torn a lot when I go in there. I want to pick him up and love on him- I feel like I should want to stay in there all day and spend hours loving on him. But at the same time I am tired, worn out, and realize I have tons of other things to do to take care of myself, nursing, bryan, and the puppies. What is my role with a baby in NICU? I have no idea what to do and how to do it. And there are no answers... no real answers.

The doctor updates today.
-He is doing well with breathing. He is only forgetting a few times a day. =)Life is just too wonderful and warm and breathing just gets put on the backburner. He will have to go 5 days without an alarm before he leaves.
-Every nurse and doctor gives me another answer- but it looks like its going to be in anywhere between 5-7 weeks of him being at the hospital.
- He wont be coming home directly from the NICU. Presbyterian has an amazing middle ground nursery called the Special Care Nursery. After he is off all the tubes, and can feed by himself, he will be transfered there. Each baby has their own room, but is still monitored. Parents can stay there and spend the night if they want. Its a training ground for parents to be with their infants and for them to still be monitored.
-They are going to try to give him a bottle by the end of the week. Excited to see if he takes to it.
-He is jaundice.. so on the lights now. They caught it early so hopefully will be able to be off the lights as soon as possible.



Each day is a new day- each day is up and down. Within 20 minutes of my nightitme visit I got to touch him, change his diaper, and then watched as he forgot to breathe. In the end GOD IS GOOD and GOD IS IN CHARGE! All I want to do is love this boy to the best of my ability.

Ethan Daniel Head

Ethan arrived this morning at 9:15am via Csection. 8 weeks early... and ready to go. 4 pounds and 4 ounces. Already on low oxygen, just needs a few more lessons on the real world before he can come home.. in 5 weeks. Bryan and I feel SO VERY BLESSED!

Sarah... Checking In on the COUCH!

That's right. It's strict bedrest for me. I went in for a regular OB appointment... seemingly no big deal. However, my blood pressure was off the charts, my feet were the size of boats and there was "something wrong" with my urine test. I thought those were all signs of a normal pregnancy since I felt completely normal. But before I knew it I was in the hospital for 48 hour stasy. BOO! The diagnosis PREECLAMPSIA... the cure is birth. Thats right the only way to cure this issue is to get him out of me.

Since we are only at 31 weeks we want him to stay in as long as he can... which will likely not be 40 weeks, but I am crossing my fingers for at least 34 weeks. So for now its time for bed rest, working from home, catching up on letter writing, journaling, and loads of cuddeling with my dogs.



The type A personality in me is going insane however. The nursery is half down, the office still isnt completely unpacked, the bed is never made, there are often fur balls on the floor, there is dust on the tv, I can't get my work done, I cant be there for all the end of year festivities for my sweet students... God is certainly taching me something but I dont know what it is yet.

For now I am loving on this little guy... and kind of loving that i get a weekly sonogram to see this smiley face!!