ONE

Dear Ethan,
HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY!! If I teach you anything I want you to know to relax and have peace in the arms of God. He has an AWESOME plan for you- one I knew the first second I laid eyes on you. Gods plan are different than ours a lot of the time- I know your life has not been what I thought- from your very arrival, to your stay in the NICU, to your ridiculously fast development... nothing has been as I have thought it would be. But I wouldn't change ONE SECOND.

You were an answer to prayers. Mommy wanted you her whole life and God knew just the baby for her. A strong, stubborn, independent, funny, sweet young boy- you my sweet boy. YOU! This year you have proven us all wrong by bypassing all our expectations. If the doctors thought you would be 2 months behind, you were two weeks ahead. If you were suppose to be small, you were outgrowing your clothes.

You love listening to the wheels on the bus. And often the way to calm you down is to sing Jesus Loves Me, Be Careful Little Eyes, Jesus Loves the Little Children. As I sing these songs to you, I continue to pray that God sets up home in your heart. Your daddy and I pray for you each night. I pray that God lives in and through you, that you stand up for your faith, that you search for truth and find it.

May you continue to grow, learn, and love. Your daddy and I love you all the way to heaven and back again!

Echogenic Focus in the Left Ventricle of the Heart

Yea- when I first heard it I was scared too. When we went in for our 18 week appointment everything looked great at first. Besides little Tyler not being about stay still in there long enough for a good picture, everything seemed normal. 2 legs, 2 arms, brain looked good... yada yada...

But I knew something wasn't right when the sweet girl that does the sonograms printed some off for the doctor. She has never done that before. At the end of the appointment the OB pointed out that Tylers heart didn't seem right and for us to go in for a better sonogram. So, after waiting a VERY LONG WEEK I went in to see Tyler's heart. Honestly I had a million things going through my head- how would I handle a sick kid? how could i handle losing a baby again? I was overwhelmed with all the possibilities. Once again Bethany Dillon's song came into my heart and I knew that I would praise the Lord reguardless of what the outcome would be.

The outcome looks like this..

its a Left Ventricle Echogenic Focus- in people terms its a calcium deposit in the heart. This isn't going to keep him from being a star athelete or a get into Harvard- and he can't blame it when he does something stupid when hes a teenager. I was relieved when I heard.

Ultimately this week taught me someting-- or I suppose reminded me of something I needed to get again- I AM NOT IN CHARGE. As a mother I think you try your best to protect your kids and type A people in general try our hardest to organize and control. But I can't control anything at the end of the day. These children are God's children- and he has given them to me on loan for such a time as this. I will chose to love every second I have these little guys on loan to me- I will treat them as God's little boys- princes of the King.