Updates... Every day a new day

Well we are at day 3 of this sweet boys life and so much has changed. He is down to just one feeding tube. Which is great, since we can finally see that sweet little face of his. Every hour Bryan and I debate on who he looks like- but goodness I know that so much can change for him the next several weeks- months. It's strange- because of his size in the NICU I want to think that he is SO BIG and so ready to go home- but when I am in there and alarms are going off because babies are forgetting to breathe, every baby is in an incubator, and there is one nurse to every baby- I realize that Ethan isn't a "normal" baby at all.



My heart is torn a lot when I go in there. I want to pick him up and love on him- I feel like I should want to stay in there all day and spend hours loving on him. But at the same time I am tired, worn out, and realize I have tons of other things to do to take care of myself, nursing, bryan, and the puppies. What is my role with a baby in NICU? I have no idea what to do and how to do it. And there are no answers... no real answers.

The doctor updates today.
-He is doing well with breathing. He is only forgetting a few times a day. =)Life is just too wonderful and warm and breathing just gets put on the backburner. He will have to go 5 days without an alarm before he leaves.
-Every nurse and doctor gives me another answer- but it looks like its going to be in anywhere between 5-7 weeks of him being at the hospital.
- He wont be coming home directly from the NICU. Presbyterian has an amazing middle ground nursery called the Special Care Nursery. After he is off all the tubes, and can feed by himself, he will be transfered there. Each baby has their own room, but is still monitored. Parents can stay there and spend the night if they want. Its a training ground for parents to be with their infants and for them to still be monitored.
-They are going to try to give him a bottle by the end of the week. Excited to see if he takes to it.
-He is jaundice.. so on the lights now. They caught it early so hopefully will be able to be off the lights as soon as possible.



Each day is a new day- each day is up and down. Within 20 minutes of my nightitme visit I got to touch him, change his diaper, and then watched as he forgot to breathe. In the end GOD IS GOOD and GOD IS IN CHARGE! All I want to do is love this boy to the best of my ability.