Pics of the Big Day!

Ethan's First Birthday was a huge success. I know that I may have gone a little "big" with it- 51 of our closest friends, a balloon artists, a ridiculous amount of food and super amounts of fun.. but I wouldn't change ONE THING. And to be honest, I will do it again with Tyler. =) It was so special to celebrate this little man and our year together with our favorite people. Old and new friends, family, godparents, sorority sisters...


Bryan made the cake. Super colorful, white cake with sprinkles, and loads of icing. I wanted him to just "try" the cake. He ate HALF of it before I took it away from him. He is his father's child. Bryan was pushing him and encouraging him to finish it all- I think he never got the memo of what that will do to a babies tummy. =)



I have been blessed to be still so close to several of my sorority sisters, and above that it's been so special to have them in Dallas. I can't imagine going through the last 10 years witout them!


We are blessed beyond words for the village God gave us to support our family. I can't wait to see what the next year brings.

ONE

Dear Ethan,
HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY!! If I teach you anything I want you to know to relax and have peace in the arms of God. He has an AWESOME plan for you- one I knew the first second I laid eyes on you. Gods plan are different than ours a lot of the time- I know your life has not been what I thought- from your very arrival, to your stay in the NICU, to your ridiculously fast development... nothing has been as I have thought it would be. But I wouldn't change ONE SECOND.

You were an answer to prayers. Mommy wanted you her whole life and God knew just the baby for her. A strong, stubborn, independent, funny, sweet young boy- you my sweet boy. YOU! This year you have proven us all wrong by bypassing all our expectations. If the doctors thought you would be 2 months behind, you were two weeks ahead. If you were suppose to be small, you were outgrowing your clothes.

You love listening to the wheels on the bus. And often the way to calm you down is to sing Jesus Loves Me, Be Careful Little Eyes, Jesus Loves the Little Children. As I sing these songs to you, I continue to pray that God sets up home in your heart. Your daddy and I pray for you each night. I pray that God lives in and through you, that you stand up for your faith, that you search for truth and find it.

May you continue to grow, learn, and love. Your daddy and I love you all the way to heaven and back again!

Echogenic Focus in the Left Ventricle of the Heart

Yea- when I first heard it I was scared too. When we went in for our 18 week appointment everything looked great at first. Besides little Tyler not being about stay still in there long enough for a good picture, everything seemed normal. 2 legs, 2 arms, brain looked good... yada yada...

But I knew something wasn't right when the sweet girl that does the sonograms printed some off for the doctor. She has never done that before. At the end of the appointment the OB pointed out that Tylers heart didn't seem right and for us to go in for a better sonogram. So, after waiting a VERY LONG WEEK I went in to see Tyler's heart. Honestly I had a million things going through my head- how would I handle a sick kid? how could i handle losing a baby again? I was overwhelmed with all the possibilities. Once again Bethany Dillon's song came into my heart and I knew that I would praise the Lord reguardless of what the outcome would be.

The outcome looks like this..

its a Left Ventricle Echogenic Focus- in people terms its a calcium deposit in the heart. This isn't going to keep him from being a star athelete or a get into Harvard- and he can't blame it when he does something stupid when hes a teenager. I was relieved when I heard.

Ultimately this week taught me someting-- or I suppose reminded me of something I needed to get again- I AM NOT IN CHARGE. As a mother I think you try your best to protect your kids and type A people in general try our hardest to organize and control. But I can't control anything at the end of the day. These children are God's children- and he has given them to me on loan for such a time as this. I will chose to love every second I have these little guys on loan to me- I will treat them as God's little boys- princes of the King.

Double Trouble

We are so excited to announce that #2 is a boy... Tyler Constantine Head is due in July. I am beside myself excited that its a boy- theres nothing in this world i wanted more than to raise boys. :) God is good.

When I first made my appointment Ethan was barely on the move, and so i thought bryan could watch him with no issue during the sonogram. However, he is now wanting to MOVE, and made it 10 seconds into the appointment. Poor Bryan spent an hour out in the lobby playing. So i found out it was a boy alone and called bryan to tell him out in the libby. Then to save time i sent a mass text to everyone! :)
Cant wait to meet Tyler, but in the meantime, I am soaking up every second I can with this sweet face! He will always be my baby...

Big Boy- Clingy Boy

I keep hearing that this is just a phase- but HOLY GEEZ! I was priding myself that I had a son who would go to anyone. He was always happy to go into the nursery at church, see babysitters and play at Mothers Day Out. But I swear overnight he has become clingy- no CLINGY! He screams bloody murder and can not be consoled. I simply don't know what to do with this seperation anxiety. I am trying to not give it much attention and leave quickly but its tough. Honestly I know he will be fine- I feel worse for the workers who have to be with him. The sweet girl that babysit last weekend had to text me every 20 minutes because nothing worked.



On a happier note, Ethan has LOVED moving into his new room. The old nursery looks sad and has become a catch all for the "things that we will deal with before the baby comes!"... that pile keeps adding up for sure!

Mom, dad, Jeff and Lauren came over to help move all the furniture, organize and put the curtains up. I LOVE IT. Its sweet and so much more room for him to play in. This room has been Jake's since we moved into the house, and Jake hasn't left. So we call it Jake and Ethan's room... which neither minds.

Right now I am working on continuing to adjust to stay at home mommy-hood. It's been tougher than I thought. Honestly I thought it would be so easy and fun. With my responsibilities left at church I honestly have A LOT Of spare time to just be with Ethan. And with only 1 nap in the morning we are home chilling A LOT! I don't know if I am simply not use to it, or if this isn't where God wants me right now. But I am certainly learning how to find my value and selfworth in something other than my career. God is teaching me that my self worth needs to come FROM HIM and not necessarily what I do FOR HIM. Seems I have likely try to teach someone else this lesson- but never got it for myself.

Suddenly

I don't know what happened, but suddenly Ethan turned 10 months and decided he would be a new little guy. He has learned how to clap, wave, grown several more teeth, and is standing all by himself. He has yet to be brave enough to walk, but loves to just stand up in the middle of the room. Suddenly he has gone from a baby to big boy.



There have been many changes around this house. Ethan has moved to a big boy room as we prepare for #2. Its filled with new toys and loads of room to play. I am now working from home full time, as church has cut back my hours. As Ethan is not going to MDO anymore and is home with me anymore we are both going through a time to crate a schedule. Right now its chaos. =) Bryan has moved back to working nights. So he is home a lot more during the day too- which is so fun for Ethan to have daddy to play with till afternoon nap. With all the changes little man is not taking his naps well and each night at 2am he suddenly is ready to play. God has a plan in all this, and I am excited to see what it is. Right now its rough around this house- but it always rains before the sun comes out!

Faithful

Holy Geez. So, very much has happened in the last 2 months. Best of all we were HIGHLY SUPRISED at the news that we are PREGNANT. "Marshmallow" (has Bryan calls it) will be arriving in July. After being told for years that we would never be pregnant, and then having a very difficult pregnancy with Ethan we thought we were done having a kiddos. God is so faithful- and knew the desires of my heart for sure. We are going to have our hands full with 2 under 16 months, but I am ready for the challenge. God knows His amazing plan, and my job is to have peace and enjoy the ride. And that is what I will do.
Ethan is growing up so fast all of a sudden. He is expressive, and funny, and stubborn and loud! He is a boy through and through.




I am working on being thankful in all circumstances. It is certainly easy to be close to the Lord when you recognize your blessings... when things are going your way.. when the sun is shining. But when life gets overwhelming, and things dont get your way, it seems harder for me to keep focused on my blessings. They don't disappear when I am stressed out. When something is exactly what I planned, God doesn't revoke his love or his blessing.. or his PLAN! He is just as present, just as loving and just as graceful.

So in the midst of dirty diapers, morning sickness, stressful work days, uncertainty about our future- I cling on that God doesn't change. And that He is always faithful. Sara Groves song is a great reminder

Morning by morning I wake up to find
The power and comfort of God’s hand in mine
Season by season I watch Him, amazed
In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me.

I can’t remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
I can’t remember one single regret
In serving God only, and trusting His hand
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me.

This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories I’ve heard for so long
God has been faithful, He will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful, He’s always been faithful
He’s always been faithful to me.